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Leslie Nielsen

“Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.”

“Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.”
"Real nice party, Hapsburg.  I see a lot of familiar face-lifts."
“I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say...”Hey! Look at these!"”
"Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts."
“Looks like the cows have come home to roost.”
“I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr. Poopy Pants?"
“In a case where there are no leads, you have to start somewhere.”
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