“Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Caribbean cruise, where we can hold hands on a soft summer's evening and watch that old Jamaican moon. Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea.”
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.”
"You would need three promotions to get to be an asshole."
“I'm a mog - half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.”
“What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd? Let’s get the flock out of here.”
“We Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation but I hear that's coming quickly.”
“There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”
“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
"Big house like man married to fat women – hard to get around."
"Conversation is like television set on honeymoon – unnecessary."