"An aquarium is a submarine for fish."
"I met the Dalai Lama once, and I happened to be cooking hot dogs at the time. I said, "What do you want?" And he said, "Make me one with everything."
"That guy's multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit."
"I'm spiritual. I'm an Aries with a penis rising."
"Did I step on your foot or was that your breasts?"
"Make sure to tip your waitresses. It's pretty funny when they fall over."
"Oh, I get it. You're being aloof. No that's fine, we need loofs."
“Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.”
"That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him."
“You are so country, you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.”