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Groucho Marx


“Time wounds all heels.”
“If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you.”
“I have here an accident policy that will absolutely protect you no matter what happens.  If you lose a leg, we'll help you look for it.”
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”
“I’ve got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”
You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.”
“Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way.”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.”
“You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, which doesn't say much for you.”
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