“A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.”
“There are three sides to every story. My side, your side, and the truth.”
“…Always giving parties to cover the silence.”
"Fifty percent of what people say when they are joking is true."
"Don't use seven words when four will do."
“We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.”
“Conversation, like certain portions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when lubricated.”
“I'm psychic. Plus it's on your name tag.”
“I love talking about nothing, father. It's the only thing I know anything about.”
“If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it's not a conversation anymore, it's a pitch. And you're not a human being, you're a marketing rep.”