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"Negging – saying something negative to a pretty girl in order to undermine her social value."
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."
"Humankind is the only virus cursed to live with the horrifying knowledge of its host's fragile mortality."
"You have a convenient way of remembering things."
"A healthy person probably looks around and says, "It's a wonderful world full of wonderful things."  A non-healthy person says, "I want people to think I'm one of the wonderful things."
"Parenting is getting them so they don't need you."
"Everyone can be funny but not when they want."
"Silence is the root of all comedy."
"Think only of what follows."
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