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"Why are hurricanes named after women?  Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and your car."
"You know, when they forced Khruschev out, he sat down and wrote two letters to his successor. He said, "When you get yourself into a situation you can't get out of, open the first letter, and you'll be safe. When you get yourself into another situation you can't get out of, open the second letter." Well, soon enough, this guy found himself into a tight place, so he opened the first letter. Which said, "Blame everything on me." So he blames the old man, it worked like a charm. He got himself into a second situation he couldn't get out of, he opened the second letter. It said - "Sit down, and write two letters.""
"They say in Latin, "In vino veritas". Wine tells the truth."
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