Reel Life Wisdom - Humor | Reel Life Wisdom

“It's amazing how he fell perfectly into the drawing on the floor.”

“I was married. My husband cheated on me left and right. One day he tells me it's MY fault he saw other women. So I picked up a knife, and told him it was HIS fault I was stabbing him.”

“Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Caribbean cruise, where we can hold hands on a soft summer's evening and watch that old Jamaican moon. Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea.”

“We Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation but I hear that's coming quickly.”

“I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.”

“During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.”

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”

“You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.”

“I’ve got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.”

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