"An aquarium is a submarine for fish."
"I met the Dalai Lama once, and I happened to be cooking hot dogs at the time. I said, "What do you want?" And he said, "Make me one with everything."
"That guy's multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit."
"I'm spiritual. I'm an Aries with a penis rising."
"Did I step on your foot or was that your breasts?"
"Make sure to tip your waitresses. It's pretty funny when they fall over."
"Oh, I get it. You're being aloof. No that's fine, we need loofs."
“Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.”
“You are so country, you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.”
“Her nose was so high, she’d drown in a rainstorm.”